Liftingfaces

(HOLIDAY TRAGEDIES)

5. “I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ for Christmas” by Barry Gordon
Normally a bratty kid would deserve coal in his stocking without further thought. But I can’t help but hear undertones of parental neglect, thus leading to a child’s need to act out, running beneath the playful lyrics. I feel for him, I know that pain.

4. “Snow Angel” by Over the Rhine
A song about a woman whose lover falls onto the snow and dies. A Merry Christmas indeed. The singer, Karin Bergquist, told me she had to record it in pieces, from the end to the beginning, because she kept breaking down. You can blame her husband Linford for that one.

3. “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” by George Rock
On the surface, this song doesn’t sound that tragic. But when you think about it for a minute, it’s sad, because you and I both know this kid isn’t getting his teeth in time for the holidays.

2. “Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis” by Tom Waits
So sad you want to laugh, this love letter from a (you guessed it) hooker in Minneapolis, to a guy named Charlie, is tragic indeed. She bares her soul to this man, but can’t even keep half of her lies straight. Turns out she just wants some money. Go figure.

1. “Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer” by Dr. Elmo
It’s bad enough grandma got drunk and then got trampled by a reindeer, but grandpa watching football on the couch as if nothing even happened? Man that’s cold. The ultimate tragedy, presented in a darkly comedic format.